REALISM : THE WAY OUT OF NEGATIVITY

REALISM : THE WAY OUT OF NEGATIVITY

 

A lot has been said about positivity in relation to negative situations one finds oneself in; this article attempts to examine that, basis personal experience, and challenge long-held beliefs, basis learnings through deep personal association with pain stretching over a long time. It is said being positive, dreaming, looking sunny etc are the anecdote, that one should try to be upbeat and gung-ho as far as is possible for one to be.

 

Been there, done that. Dreams and positive thoughts don't help at all. They didn’t for me, at any rate. What helps, then? Realistic assessment, plus n minus awareness, recognition of your flaws, recognition of your strong points, and a plan out of it. In the plan dreams aren't good: small steps, tackle the immediate problems first, and move ahead Also, capacity and capability building, up skilling and constant effort. Accept flaws, yet realise you are not responsible for the mess.

 

ACCEPTANCE

Dont blame anyone – except for one exception. That is if you have been dealt an unjust hand; on this, acceptance is key. And even here, apportion blame on others only after self-analysis, an honest self-examination. And if injustice is there, apportion the blame squarely, but don’t dwell on it. Your key target is survival while being totally moral and ethical; so just focus on the other points highlighted in this small experience based article. Focussing on the blame merely feeds anger, and frustration. Focus on finding solutions, a way out. {Yes, easier said than done…. Accepted}

 

MOVING AHEAD

Plot the minuses in you, find issues if any, accepted what you can't change, change what you can. Identify strengths, and start building them. Honesty, integrity, love For all, hard work, constant effort in personal sphere, professional sphere – that is the key. Win back you lost one by one – if you can. And critically, know when you need to give up, else it leads to anger, frustration. Be focused on these points. And cut off all who disagree - just cut them off. Without regrets. Learn when to shift your goal posts, and when you do, do so after deep domain research, and deep thought. Negativity isn’t a period when you rush!  Dreams on hold; suspend  - not cancel… dreaming is for positive to neutral times; rekindle them when the time is better for you, and keep self updated on your dreams. Most critically, seek out advice, learn-learn-learn, ask for help if needed, listen and read! 

 

THE WAY OUT

This is the only way out of a tough spot, personal or professional. Forget everything else. Survive, understand self swot, build strengths to extraordinary levels of capability. Play on your skills, ruthlessly focus on upskilling if professional negativity, and being calm-composed while improving self if personal – if required. Understand and accept it will take time. And give it the time, while ensuring you survive. AND GOD'S BLESSING ABOVE. ALL. WITHOUT IT. ALL IS POINTLESS. This is also THE ONLY way you can rebuild the destroyed organisation – and this is the only way you can rebuild self, or come out of emotional pain of most kinds, as well as professionally challenging periods.

 

THE THREE SCENARIOS

There are 3 things to consider in this, and all 3 are different scenarios with divergent causes and diverse effects

 

You get pain - emotional or  physical, or some loss - job, wife goes away or whatever...

 

1) It is your fault - Scenario 1

2) Both are at fault - Scenario 2

3) Neither are at fault - Scenario 3

 

The pain is different, the causes is different, and the impact different. You cannot compare or club these 3. For example, you have lifestyle illnesses, genetic heredity based, complicated by your lifestyle. Or you lose your job due to a company shutdown. Is it your fault? Not entirely.. Isnt this pain? How do you deal with this? {Matter of fact, you dont have to deal with it, ust accept it as a part of how you are, and your body genetics – and try to improve lifestyle, if possible}. Or your organization shuts down – is it fault? No. So why focus on it? Move on, accept it!

 

That Scenario 3. Shit happens, and you are caught in the middle, as in your company shuts down. How am you responsible as Hub Manager? Yet, we get to pay the price- while some others, who may be culpable, do not. Such is life – one just has to accept some things in this kalyug. Do not sweat over it; accept it as we are in Kalyug, and such things may happen to anyone.

 

Scenario 2 - you fight with your wife. Assume she is wrong, unethical, and is taking some bad decisions.  But you lose your temper, and thus despite being right are now also in the wrong.  Or your wife and you have a fight over interpersonal relations, and both are at fault for not committing. Or your company fails, and you know you also contributed to that failure by not escalating market intelligence. You did not, as the company would not listen; that does not matter. But in your heart, you knew and did nothing. You are also responsible. The pain this time is sharper, as guilt comes in.

Scenario 1 is the killer. Your fault. You wife and parents have a fight, and you are not able to take the right decision of telling your wife to go home to her parents, that you will side with your parents. Or you side with your wife.  BANG! Full-on guilt. This is pain at the most extreme known level, and has no answer. None whatever. Your guilt will strangle you one day - there is nothing you can do unless you deal with it.  Or you are in a Job, and have given 0 results, neither have you tried. Guilt hits. This is real pain.

 

LEARNINGS, AND UNDERSTANDING REALISM

First. The internal message is that you cannot combat this without external help, and god. Period. - that is one.  Second, effort. Constant effort - that is the strongest antidote to depression and anxiety… third, positive outlook is just kitaabi stuff if taken in isolation. It does not help - there is nothing more damaging, trust me. Ignore all people who say otherwise. When in deep suffering, it only causes disaster, unless not accompanied by the steps above. These steps are what kindle and support positivity, not the other way around.

 

Fourth - internal self-examination is the only medicine, even above point 1. You have to analyse yourself, brutally frankly and honestly>>>> there is no other medicine or advice. Fifth, after step 4 - do not be in denial. Accept your flaws, as well as your strengths. Even if no one else does> that is the key to survival. If you are not at fault; your best chance is in becoming a better version of yourself. Positive outlook is actually poison in deep trouble scenarios. Key is accepting your strengths. Play to them - the positivity will follow as a result of your focus on your strengths

 

This in a nutshell is realism. Realism means accepting the negative as negative

 

ACCEPT YOUR FLAWS

It is hard to face your own faults. VERY few people I know have shown the guts to do it. It is one thing to accept, and another to act on your acceptance. Only acceptance without action is hypocrisy,. It is only HARD effort, focus on strengths and accepting your mistakes that help. Do not make the mistake of trying to remove your faults as the first priority - that way lies certain - CERTAIN -disaster. Work on your strengths first. That will build energy in you, enabling you to attend to your mistakes

 

THE ROLE OF HOPE

If you see hope everywhere, you will miss danger signals. Result? Catastrophe. Repeat : Positivity is a poison in such circumstances Positivity is the upper realm, at then physical world level I am going deeper - INTO THE REASONS TRUE POSITIVITY DEVELOPS. Positivity in such circumstances is saying I will marry a supermodel or a superstar. Same thing.  Or I will be the next Billionaire.... Realism is - I am decent, highly educated, learned, 20 solid years workex, so let me see how I  can transfer these strengths to new areas. And I have a few problems.... anger, ego, arrogance, pride ... etc etc.... let me see how I can improve. This is true Realism – and this is what kindles the fire of Positivity. In Management Parlance, its called identifying transferable skillsets.

 

As any Army Officer will tell you, you dont attack a division of elite crack troops with a rookie platoon commanded by a Lieutenant on his first assignment.  That is not being positive, or being hopeful. {Unless it is a calculated strategy}. it is being, well... you get my point… hope is essential, vital even – but it needs to be balanced in realism; hope needs to be tempered with knowledge, calmness, control and dispassion – and strategy.

 

DREAMS

Having a dream is different from being positive. For a dream, one accepts negativity; key difference. But it comes at a heavy price. Remember - Dreams and Adamancy carry a heavy burden and a heavier price tag. Dont dream if you cant pay the list price. One advise - keep dream in mind, but in suspended animation. Be adamant on your dream, but also flexible, taking on tasks that respected capability and capacity, while not necessarily being the high grade desired. Adamant on dream, but flexible in day-to-day. Dream is longer term, flexibility is short term compromises so long as the general direction was the same where I wanted to go. It is a fine balance that needs to be maintained…

 

CONCLUSION

Self Respect - that is the key. Do NOTHING that takes that away. Walk away from Job Children Spouse Family Money World everything if your self respect is challenged. That is the one hard non-negotiable line. People will respect you for it.... No one on this planet has the right to take away your self respect. Not your spouse, child, boss, employee, bro-sis, relatives, friends, - no one. Break all relationships that take it away. No exceptions, no looking back. Maintain your self respect, the rest will follow…

 

And finally, this is MY path, It was NOT meant to be yours. My experiences have taught me one thing : EACH PATH THROUGH PAIN IS FUNDAMENTALLY UNIQUE> THUS, WRT YOUR PAIN, MAKE UP YOUR OWN PATH, FIND YOUR OWN ANSWERS. Remember, the world laughs at your pain - either that, or fokat ki advice denaa sabko pasand hai. Only the person suffering can understand. You are alone in your pain. Accept it; in its acceptance lies your final release