Walk Away! Two simple words, but they
hold the key to our mental peace of mind and happiness. Also, two simple words
representing an action that is possibly among the hardest to execute among all
actions in life : Walk Away. Something even the best of us fail to do, again
and again. We tend to cling, hold onto situations, relationships etc far beyond
their value and importance, creating stress both in our own lives as well as
those of others. Rather than cling – my advice is to simply walk away!
RESPECT : THE BEDROCK
Any relationship – be it spouse, or
children, or friends – is built on a bedrock of mutual respect, mutual
interdependence and communication. Of these 3 – it is the first, mutual
respect, that leads to the following two. You tend to talk to {regularly and
openly, transparently} only those people for whom you have some degree of
respect for at least some of their characteristics. Only when true
communication happens does mutual interdependence get built into the
relationship.
MUTUAL INTERDEPENDENCE EXPLAINED
Here, when I state mutual
interdependence, it spans financial, emotional, spiritual all domains of
existence and needs. A dependence on only one of the three is a compromise, an
adjustment. True blending happens in two people when their interdependence
spans all domains and all levels. This holds true for all close relationships
in life in the personal space, though the fullest and deepest blending happens
only between spouses. If this is missing – try to create it in your
relationship. For a time, sacrifice respect – but only for a time. If effort
fails – walk away, head held high.
COMMUNICATION
If the other person just does not
respond with true open and fair communication, built on solid respect, it is
not worth it. Walk away. And in that decision, not even children, parents,
social pressure should not intervene. If there is no respect, simply walk away.
That relationship is not worth it; indeed – continued efforts for retention of
the relationship will only sour things for both. Setting the other person free
from your demands is the best you can do in such a situation: as I said, simply
walk away, regardless of children, parents etc who may be impacted. The short
term impact will be there on them – but longer term, all will be better off by
taking this hard choice.
BUT…
Remember, this decision can only be
taken if you yourself have made sustained efforts to turn it around; walking
away without first investing time and effort into the relationship - {never
mind the mistakes you may have made during these} - indicates a lack of respect in you for the
other person; it indicates a shallowness in your effort, and it indicates
insincerity. Same is for the other party – if the other party is too quick to
judge, makes too many demands without first fully blending - it indicates insincerity, and shallowness on
the other person’s part. Nevertheless, give it time, irrigate it with effort.
And if things don’t develop – walk away!
POSSESIVENESS
We hold onto such situations out of our
own need / wants / desires / possesiveness, not love; this applies even to your
own child. It is your want need desire that is leading to possessiveness; this
isn’t a relationship, to be perfectly honest. If you cannot let go – it isn’t
love, it isn’t a relationship. The ability to let go is the hallmark, the
touchstone of a true relationship. This applies even to children. When the time
comes – walk away. Spouse, Children etc all have their own lives. Don’t
interfere, don’t possess, don’t think of self need. All you need to live is Air
Food & Water, period. Just Walk Away!
SELF RESPECT
Self-Respect is different from Ego &
Pride. These are negative emotions; whereas self respect is a positive aspect,
a realization that your time direction values are also important, that by not
respecting these the other person is simply wrong, period. It shows insincerity
on the part of the other person, or other attributes, like Ego, Expections
{unfulfilled, usually}, etc. And a relationship built on mutual expectations is
called Trade, Business; this is not love, this is not repeat not a
relationship, be it spouse, children, siblings or friends. If the base is
expectations – they aren’t relatives, period. Walk Away!
JUST WALK AWAY…
Love in any relation – Spouse Sibling
Children – is not and cannot be a function of expectations, rights and wrongs,
failure and success. Love is an independent emotion; born out of that
indefinable attraction, combined with respect for mutual space, views, attitudes,
opinions, beliefs, and an acceptance of the other’s faults, whatever may they
be. Accept the whole package as is – or reject it; there can be no midways. And
if this acceptance isn’t there – this is proof that the base is not respect but
expectations. And expectations are not acceptable the basis of any relationship
– even your child. If the blending isn’t there, even from your child – complete
total acceptance of you as you are is absent – then, harsh though it may sound,
but… just walk away. Just Walk Away. Nothing, no one and no relation, no ties
are above self respect. Just Walk Away. It will be the best decision you will
ever make. Just Walk Away. Just Walk Away.
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